Mirror selfies, reading on the floor, and daycare feels

Doris is four and a half months old, I’ve been back at work for almost two months, and the American academic science world that has been my home for the last fifteen years - as well as so much else that matters to me - including the international nature of science and my queer and trans community - is under attack. It is a lot! It’s hard to make sense of all of these changes happening simultaneously; everything feels personal and also collectively hard and scary. In the midst of all of this, I feel grateful and privileged to be Doris’s mom. 

Mirror selfies

I’m not the best at taking photos, but I want to have pictures of Doris during this fast moving period both for myself and to share with family and friends. I’ve realized that photos of me and Doris together happens less organically because there isn’t always another person around to take them. I love being Doris’s mom, and I do want photos of us together. One solution is to take bedroom mirror selfies of the two of us. I’m trying to take a few each week with us dressed in our daycare/work outfits! 

Reading on the floor 

One of the things that I looked forward to when I was imagining my parenting future was reading to my kid! As Doris emerged from the earliest newborn period, I would put her leaning back on my thighs with my knees bent and read high contrast books to her. I found it most fun to read ones where it was easy to expand from the minimal words on the page by connecting the images to our bodies or by counting objects. I was anxious to move onto colorful board books with more words, but it was clear that the high contrast images were what was age appropriate. When I started a bedtime routine with Doris, reading was also part of that. I lie Doris on my chest and read to her, before moving her to the bassinet - and now pack and play! I realized that I didn’t need to limit us to books with pictures during this period, we could read anything that I wanted to read. So far we have read a YA book that I’d been wanting to read for years, an early reader book that I had read in 1st grade that aged terribly, and a Sharron Creech book that I’d loved as a tween. 

Now Doris is old enough that we have graduated from high contrast books for daytime reading. I like to lie next to Doris on the floor and hold up the boards books so we can both see the pictures and words. I endeavor to put my phone away when I am playing with Doris, but its not easy; holding a book with two hands forces me to put my phone down. Between a combination of gifts and hand-me downs, we have some great books to read. I also checked out a first book from the Durham County public library system for Doris, and I look forward to making going to the library part of our routine. I have also been making a list of some of my favorite board books. 

Recently, two close friends visited us for the weekend. My friend took this picture of me and Doris reading together on the floor. I’m really happy to have it. 

I'm reading Doris "I am a baby!" It came in a free box of books that was delivered by the free home visit nurse through a Durham Country program for all first time parents who live in Durham County.

Daycare feels 

Footprint berries! Doris's first sent home from school art work! I will put it up at my desk at work.

Doris is currently going to daycare! The center is in between my house and my job, but closer to work. It is fun to head out the door on the work week mornings - it feels like we are taking on the world together. But a surprise for me is that I’ve found Doris going to daycare has generated more feelings for me than I expected. I am really happy to have gone back to work when I did, AND there is also something kind of crazy about dropping your baby off in a room filled with other babies for the day! Doris is safe and cared for, I get lots of updates, and I do think it’s the arrangement that makes sense for us, but it doesn’t feel quite as straightforward as I imagined it would. We will both keep adjusting to it I suppose! 

Everything is constantly shifting and changing. This is our current moment. There is a lot to be grateful for. 

Hannah Grace took this photo when she and my brother visited Durham for Christmas. Doris was so small! I am very grateful for Hannah Grace's photography skills and enthusiasm for taking photos.